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FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-23 10:51

Trader A: "You're going to hell, you know that."
Trader B: "Yeah, I reckon I will. I wonder what it will be like?"
Trader A: "Well, for you it will probably mean being offered in the 70s for one-hundred thousand years and watch them trade 70 every minute... but you will not get filled. Ever."

Risk:    "You're long 4,000 bonds from about a full point higher. Just wanted to bring that to your attention."
Trader considers
Trader: "You're right. Thank you. At these levels, I really should be long 8,000...."


The Figs Protocol.

James
NP High Priest

Total Posts: 2024
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-23 14:32

Year 1986: 40-year old grizzled Soy Bean Futures trader to 20-something wide-eyed newbie James:

"Whaddayh yoouhhhh? A fuckin' rocket scientisssst?" <spits gob onto pit floor.>


"Reality is that which, when you choose not to believe in it, doesn't go away." Phillip K. Dick

brainyoga


Total Posts: 164
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-23 15:40

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me?I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am," he said.

The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."

To which the balloonist replied:
"You must be a broker."
To which the man on the ground said:
"I am, but how did you know?"

The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your  information, and the fact is I'm still lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded: "You must be a trader."
To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"

To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."


size does matter

Arroway
Forum Statistician

Total Posts: 976
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-23 21:06
Cool, chigs.  I had heard the same joke, but the guy on the ground was an actuary, and the balloonist was the marketing guy.

"There are others and then there is myself. I must learn to distinguish the others from myself. They are separate people, with different identities." Rodney Anonymous

RFMontraz
NP Italian Stallion

Total Posts: 2014
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-25 12:55

From real life:

Interview at GNI (back to the days of the floor)

Trainee: Yeah, I'd love to work with you guys, bla bla...
Senior Guy: Mmm.. I see that you've been working  on the LIFFE floor for a couple of months already. What have you learnt?
T: Lots
SG: Well? Be more specific for fuck's sake...
T: How can I be more specific? I learnt a lot. You know... The floor, the pit, the flow...
SG: Right.... But what can you do?
T: I can do anything
SG: Mmm... Listen  mate... What are you best at? What do you do? Why should we hire you??
T: Lemme think... Well I 'm good at doing "size"
SG: What?
T: Yeah, I do size.
SG: What do you mean you do "size"?!?
T: Yeah size you know? Like you give me an order for a 1000 ok? And I go in the pit and bang! mine 200, mine 300, mine 200, mine 400. Bang! Bang! Bang! Filled! Done! Fast no?
SG: You just bought 1100..
T: Well you know... Whatever...

 


Fund Raising and Racketeering, Capital Structure Demolition LLC - What the fuck you mean "not interested" you motherfucker you??

brainyoga


Total Posts: 164
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-25 12:58
rfm, gotta be the best one of the thread that!

size does matter

kr
Founding Member
NP Raider
Total Posts: 3561
Joined: Apr 2004
 
Posted: 2004-06-29 22:50

ok, this one's from Bloomberg

Silgan seeks to cut TL pricing to L+175
2004-06-29 13:49 (New York)

 
Silgan seeks to cut TL pricing to L+175
 
New York, June 29 (Standard & Poor's LCD) –  Silgan today approached lenders via
arranger Deutsche Bank to reduce pricing on its institutional term loan to
L+175, sources said.
 
 
The current term loan is priced on a grid in the L+175-225 range, and is
currently priced at L+200, sources said. The repriced deal will not have a grid.
 
 
The term loan totals roughly $690 million. Pricing stepped to L+225 late last
year when leverage increased to greater than 4x, but has since been reduced,
sources said. Ratings are BB/Ba3.
 
 
The repricing involves only existing investors. – Chris Donnelly


(UL mine).  Is there any way to interpret this last sentence in a meaningful way?  What could it possibly mean?


my bank got pwnd

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-05 13:20
"I'm going to catch the VWAP bus home."

The Figs Protocol.

Kutilya
Quote Machine

Total Posts: 1286
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-11 17:13

 

Trader waiting for convergence "Go my way"

 


Vorsprung durch Technik

AndyM


Total Posts: 2306
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-20 13:15

Senior guy haranguing a technical analyst:

'You take your ruler and pencil, and you draw some lines!? You think you're working?? YOU'RE NOT FUCKING WORKING!!!'


In Banach space, no-one can hear you scream...

jungle
Chief Rhythm Officer
CSD LLC
Total Posts: 3162
Joined: Jul 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-23 16:19

"DAX, take it up the shitter, just like your mother". 

now...does anyone know what index is the mother of the DAX?  Big Smile


yasgirl


Total Posts: 124
Joined: Aug 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-24 15:26
"get in the hole !!!"

One hand, one million dollars, no tears

JabairuStork
Beat Box King

Total Posts: 970
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-25 04:11
Head of Credit Derivatives:

"If a CDO is just an option on a loss distribution, then an option on a CDO is just an option on an option. Why do you need stochastic spreads?"

RFMontraz
NP Italian Stallion

Total Posts: 2014
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-25 10:05

Broker/Trader conversation:

B: "Ehmm... Sorry mate regarding that contingent order... Well, we just lost a leg..."

T: "Get it back! Otherwise you gonna lose BOTH your legs!"


Fund Raising and Racketeering, Capital Structure Demolition LLC - What the fuck you mean "not interested" you motherfucker you??

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-08-25 14:06

Visitor on the trading floor (some clueless saleslady, attractive though):

Visitor: "And what do you do?"

Trader: "Well, it's all highly classified, but if you promise not to tell... See all these numbers here? That's feedback from our worldwide network of environmental sensors. Like this line right here is a seismograph in the Middle East... Teheran to be precise. See that spike? That's what I monitor. Suspicious activity. I suspect that was probably a nuclear silo opening somewhere in the neighborhood. Gotta be careful with those Iranian lunatics, I'm tellin' ya. Never know what they might do next?"

Visitor: "I thought you were a trader? You know trade and stuff?"

Trader: "Nah... trading is over there. This section is government intelligence. See the sign here that says 'Intel P4'?"


The Figs Protocol.

Nonius
Founding Member
Nonius Unbound
Total Posts: 12666
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-02 10:25

Nervous Peon Trying to unload some sheah: <<Dials up Smerdyakov at NuclearVulture LLC>> Yo, Smerdyakov, long time no hear. Say, I got this paper...10 year paper….Libor +70 backed by the insurance premia associated with Airplane lease payments, AAA wrapped by NoniusRe...I'll send you the prospectus. 50MM@ 99….

<<silence>>

Nervous Peon Trying to unload some sheah: Smerdyakov? Hello.

Smerdyakov: I am here Mike.

Nervous Peon Trying to unload some sheah: <<continues on the spiel citing how great the paper is- the enhancements with thick mezzo tranches, the gaurantees, the fallbacks, etc etc….going down to at the end of the day, he'll have the bloody planes if nobody pays>>

Smerdyakov: Can you hold for a second? <<sound of beeping while on hold>>

<<three minutes pass, Smerdyakov comes back on line>>

Smerdyakov: Call me in week, Mike.

<<Nervous peon tries over the week to move the paper….no bids>>

<<week passes, Nervous peon calls Smerdyakov again>>

Nervous peon: Yo, Smerdyakov, just wanted to follow up on that AAA paper.

Smerdyakov: What paper?

Nervous peon: You know, why, you know? The paper, the airplane lease insurance paper…AAA wrapped….

Smerdyakov: Oh, yes, yes, kaneshna…..we looked at that. I buy them at 94. Oh, by the way, we trying to diversify our funding sources. Er, can you provide financing? Maybe through swap? We give 5% upfront.


Chiral is Tyler Durden

kr
Founding Member
NP Raider
Total Posts: 3561
Joined: Apr 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-02 15:56
hmmm... airline lease paper - there's another 'love to be haters' situation, pretty good idea what name that is. 

for my part, the corp. entity asked for certain consents this week on my EETCs, but we - and the rest of the committee - said no way.  You wanna do an out-of-court restructure, buy back your corporate borrowings at 30, but don't fiddle with the secured borrowings!  I mean, you can get 70% off - when did anybody offer you a deal like that?  No, I am not thrilled about owning a bunch of stupid jets, but it's better than owning you!  Plus I know that Aeroflot needs a couple of new jets, right? 

</rant over>

this just in:  my own version of the below -

"the company has extended the deadline for consent from the Secured Bondholders from August 31st to September 9th..." 
guess they will keep fishing for suckers, when in fact they should realize that the extension of consent deadlines isn't exactly a confidence-builder


my bank got pwnd

PanzerMeyer


Total Posts: 1381
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-08 13:27
Sales to Trader : "there this client who would like to have a refreshment of his tunnel"

я, конечно, вернусь

kr
Founding Member
NP Raider
Total Posts: 3561
Joined: Apr 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-08 19:17
boss:  "Has someone been trying to serve me notice?"

betcha never heard that one in your office..

but don't worry kids, we play legal rugby here all the time

my bank got pwnd

kr
Founding Member
NP Raider
Total Posts: 3561
Joined: Apr 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-09 15:31
"As epoxyethane is highly flammable and explosive, the provider has a great deal of market power, as reflected in the recent price run-up"

hmmm... you don't want to pay our prices?  well, how 'bout we just give you a little boost of product for free  Big Smile

my bank got pwnd

NeroTulip


Total Posts: 995
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-10 16:07

Today, 15h 55:

Intern (a 22y hot blonde): "For the first time in my life I want something more than clothes"

Me: "Don't forget to breathe"

... I once explained her I thought she's so dumb that she may forget to breathe. I like her though.

 


Inhuman Resources, Capital Structure Demolition LLC. All your blondes are belong to us. Radiation

PanzerMeyer


Total Posts: 1381
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-10 16:10

I d have said "there are some stuff you won't really want...when I get angry"

cool, am I going to see her on Monday ?


я, конечно, вернусь

NeroTulip


Total Posts: 995
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-10 16:17
If she's nice I'll take her out of her drawer.

Inhuman Resources, Capital Structure Demolition LLC. All your blondes are belong to us. Radiation

Crassus


Total Posts: 1194
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-10 16:18

that's right, Nero: treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen.

btw: all your blondes are belong to us!

 

p.s.  is she thirsty this evening?


PanzerMeyer


Total Posts: 1381
Joined: May 2004
 
Posted: 2004-09-10 16:19
"don't bite daddy...be nice....that's good"

я, конечно, вернусь
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