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goldorak


Total Posts: 980
Joined: Nov 2004
 
Posted: 2014-11-07 22:16
Applause


phrench guys will love that one...

If you are not living on the edge you are taking up too much space.

pj


Total Posts: 3318
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2015-02-05 10:40
IT sales guy:
"It's not a bug. it's a future"

OFFENDERS WILL BE TERMINATED

Nonius
Founding Member
Nonius Unbound
Total Posts: 12666
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2015-02-05 21:53
This is what I hear.This is what I hear.

Chiral is Tyler Durden

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2015-03-04 16:59
Trader A: "Did you know that Taleb is coming out with a new technical book?"
Trader B: "No, I didn't?"
Trader A: "It's called 'Everything you know is wrong... you cunt.'"

The Figs Protocol.

pj


Total Posts: 3318
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2015-04-14 15:38
A support analyst patiently answering the question:

> When the volatility is constant, it means the volatility is the same at any time.
>When it is time-dependent, it means that at different time, the value is different.

OFFENDERS WILL BE TERMINATED

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2015-05-28 11:21
Let's get children involved in highly-leveraged financial instruments. Yai!

Eurex sponsored the Futures for Kids (FFK) Walk to Work 2015

The Figs Protocol.

Nonius
Founding Member
Nonius Unbound
Total Posts: 12666
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2015-05-30 23:22
that is Phucked up!

Chiral is Tyler Durden

tabris


Total Posts: 1244
Joined: Feb 2005
 
Posted: 2015-08-27 15:31
Sales guy:

"Come on, its not that bad, look the mid is within bid ask."

Dilbert: Why does it seem as though I am the only honest guy on earth? Dogbert: Your type tends not to reproduce.

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2015-10-15 14:14
"If you squeeze coal futures hard enough... do they turn into diamond futures?"

The Figs Protocol.

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2016-03-17 14:24
Seen in a paper:

and


The Figs Protocol.

Kitno


Total Posts: 341
Joined: Mar 2005
 
Posted: 2016-04-13 00:56
03-02-2008: BBG IM to mucker: "Smashing 200 bunds...watch out the market is about is about to fall out of bed...I am the Flipper!"
12-04-2016: [Compliance] Kitno: please explain this - how did you manipulate the market?
...
Do you seek counsel in Osmium?

Salut toi, je vais au Social Club avec des amis ce soir, c'est au 142 rue Montmartre. J'ai mis ta robe préférée. Viens me trouver.

akimon


Total Posts: 566
Joined: Dec 2004
 
Posted: 2016-04-13 03:00
On Graduate Hiring.

Trader: [Looking at pile of resumés] Dude, we're just an investment bank. We don't need rocket scientists, we just need bodies.

tabris


Total Posts: 1244
Joined: Feb 2005
 
Posted: 2016-04-13 03:40
akimon: last time said trader went for whiskey and told us the story... i told him i was quite surprised the rocket scientist took the job with you guys and turned down spacex/tesla...

Dilbert: Why does it seem as though I am the only honest guy on earth? Dogbert: Your type tends not to reproduce.

tabris


Total Posts: 1244
Joined: Feb 2005
 
Posted: 2016-04-13 03:40
[double clicked...]

Dilbert: Why does it seem as though I am the only honest guy on earth? Dogbert: Your type tends not to reproduce.

akimon


Total Posts: 566
Joined: Dec 2004
 
Posted: 2016-04-13 05:31
tabris: I was surprised too. In fact, that was what started my conversation about graduate hiring!

contango_and_cash


Total Posts: 67
Joined: Sep 2015
 
Posted: 2016-04-13 20:11
Senior credit Sales (10+ years doing this job):

"So this spread on a CDS what is is spread to exactly?"

radikal


Total Posts: 253
Joined: Dec 2012
 
Posted: 2016-04-14 03:13
Automated system places hedges against some fills. Automated system tries to cancel said hedges as they're no longer optimal. Automated system fails and gets filled on said hedges "locking in" the previous winner. (But giving up instantaneous edge)

"Garbitrage?"

There are no surprising facts, only models that are surprised by facts

pj


Total Posts: 3318
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2016-06-06 10:28
A coder complaining:

It makes my job sound like so whimsical:
“What do you do for a living?”
“I set up Butterfly Conventions.”

I saw a dead fish on the pavement and thought 'what did you expect? There's no water 'round here stupid, shoulda stayed where it was wet.'

katastrofa


Total Posts: 359
Joined: Jul 2008
 
Posted: 2016-06-06 21:41
Let's get children involved in highly-leveraged financial instruments. Yai!

Eurex sponsored the Futures for Kids (FFK) Walk to Work 2015


As Razors sez in "Long Good Friday": "From little acorns..."

HitmanH


Total Posts: 424
Joined: Apr 2005
 
Posted: 2016-06-08 10:50
From the FFK thing - I was having a chat with someone recently - who was bemoaning that Dutch high schools had taken option maths off the high school curriculum - and was gunning for some young Tweede Kamerlid (Member of Parliament / senator equivalent) to get in and bring it back...

TSWP


Total Posts: 363
Joined: May 2012
 
Posted: 2016-06-28 09:39
On the internet, some guy that touts himself as an expert, a few days before the Brexit referendum vote:

"Everybody knows that the Brexit event will be a non-event, nothing is going to happen. Britain will vote to stay in EU out of fear of change. The status quo generally has the edge on these kinds of referendums for that reason".

The only thing that counts: can you make money?

FDAXHunter
Founding Member

Total Posts: 8335
Joined: Mar 2004
 
Posted: 2016-07-25 10:17
Sort of trading related:

"30 kg: 90 GBP"
"40 kg: 123 GBP"

You just made that price up, didn't you?

The Figs Protocol.

goldorak


Total Posts: 980
Joined: Nov 2004
 
Posted: 2016-07-25 10:37
It is all about packaging, you know that FDAX!

If you are not living on the edge you are taking up too much space.

ComteZero


Total Posts: 523
Joined: Jun 2004
 
Posted: 2016-10-13 16:50
- Pound is falling !!!!
- Normal it's half kilo

/* Trust is good, no trust is better. */

katastrofa


Total Posts: 359
Joined: Jul 2008
 
Posted: 2016-12-22 13:22
What does the fact that these quotes are much less funny than those from pre-crisis days tells us about the state of the industry?
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