Trader A: "You're going to hell, you know that."
Trader B: "Yeah, I reckon I will. I wonder what it will be like?"
Trader A: "Well, for you it will probably mean being offered in the 70s for one-hundred thousand years and watch them trade 70 every minute... but you will not get filled. Ever."

Risk:    "You're long 4,000 bonds from about a full point higher. Just wanted to bring that to your attention."
Trader considers
Trader: "You're right. Thank you. At these levels, I really should be long 8,000...."

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced his altitude and saw a man below.
"Excuse me, but can you help me?I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am," he said.

The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."

To which the balloonist replied:
"You must be a broker."
To which the man on the ground said:
"I am, but how did you know?"

The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your  information, and the fact is I'm still lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded: "You must be a trader."
To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"

To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

From real life:

Interview at GNI (back to the days of the floor)

Trainee: Yeah, I'd love to work with you guys, bla bla...
Senior Guy: Mmm.. I see that you've been working  on the LIFFE floor for a couple of months already. What have you learnt?
T: Lots
SG: Well? Be more specific for fuck's sake...
T: How can I be more specific? I learnt a lot. You know... The floor, the pit, the flow...
SG: Right.... But what can you do?
T: I can do anything
SG: Mmm... Listen  mate... What are you best at? What do you do? Why should we hire you??
T: Lemme think... Well I 'm good at doing "size"
SG: What?
T: Yeah, I do size.
SG: What do you mean you do "size"?!?
T: Yeah size you know? Like you give me an order for a 1000 ok? And I go in the pit and bang! mine 200, mine 300, mine 200, mine 400. Bang! Bang! Bang! Filled! Done! Fast no?
SG: You just bought 1100..
T: Well you know... Whatever...

ok, this one's from Bloomberg

Silgan seeks to cut TL pricing to L+175
2004-06-29 13:49 (New York)

 
Silgan seeks to cut TL pricing to L+175
 
New York, June 29 (Standard & Poor's LCD) –  Silgan today approached lenders via
arranger Deutsche Bank to reduce pricing on its institutional term loan to
L+175, sources said.
 
 
The current term loan is priced on a grid in the L+175-225 range, and is
currently priced at L+200, sources said. The repriced deal will not have a grid.
 
 
The term loan totals roughly $690 million. Pricing stepped to L+225 late last
year when leverage increased to greater than 4x, but has since been reduced,
sources said. Ratings are BB/Ba3.
 
 
The repricing involves only existing investors. – Chris Donnelly

(UL mine).  Is there any way to interpret this last sentence in a meaningful way?  What could it possibly mean?

Trader waiting for convergence "Go my way"

"DAX, take it up the shitter, just like your mother". 

now...does anyone know what index is the mother of the DAX? 

Visitor on the trading floor (some clueless saleslady, attractive though):

Visitor: "And what do you do?"

Trader: "Well, it's all highly classified, but if you promise not to tell... See all these numbers here? That's feedback from our worldwide network of environmental sensors. Like this line right here is a seismograph in the Middle East... Teheran to be precise. See that spike? That's what I monitor. Suspicious activity. I suspect that was probably a nuclear silo opening somewhere in the neighborhood. Gotta be careful with those Iranian lunatics, I'm tellin' ya. Never know what they might do next?"

Visitor: "I thought you were a trader? You know trade and stuff?"

Trader: "Nah... trading is over there. This section is government intelligence. See the sign here that says 'Intel P4'?"

Today, 15h 55:

Intern (a 22y hot blonde): "For the first time in my life I want something more than clothes"

Me: "Don't forget to breathe"

... I once explained her I thought she's so dumb that she may forget to breathe. I like her though.