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FDAXHunter
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Posted: 2004-03-30 20:13

   Disdainfully he sniffed the cold winter air. They had been laboring through the snow covered forest for two days now and according to his sense of location, they where still a three days forced march from Iron Hold. It was rare too see this much snow, even as far north as they had come.
   The snow didn’t bother him, though it was hard on their horses and it slowed their progress significantly. During spring, they would have reached Iron Hold more than two weeks ago. Then again, in spring there would have been plenty of traders making the trip, as the roads were clear and the King’s soldiers were patrolling the realm. More traders meant a higher influx of goods into the North and more goods meant lower prices.
   So he was quite content to be making the journey now, though their cargo would have secured them a substantial profit even come spring. But… a maiden in the hay was better than an old hag far away, as the popular tavern saying went.
   He sighed. The air smelled clear, without a trace of horses or wood smoke. They hadn’t encountered any bandits so far, apart from the two street urchins who tried to get into their saddle bags back in Midbridge. Nevertheless, he stayed vigilant. Only fools ventured this far north in the winter without an escort. Whether they were fools was heavily debated among those who knew them, yet they felt comfortable with the risks they sought.
   Patiently, the man stroked his horse’s neck and whispered some encouraging words into the beast’s ear. The quiet crunch of hooves on snow announced the arrival of his companion and the other and only member of their little trading enterprise, Pedro Nonius.
   He was sitting on a magnificent destrier in a tailor-made fur cloak which he had wrapped tightly about himself. With his left hand he tugged on a rope, which brought two pack mules to stand beside him. In comparison to the large warhorse, the mules looked little more than two closely-cropped dwarven ponies.
   “What do you think, John? Are we alone?” the other man asked.
   He nodded, then said: “Knock on wood, so far there’s nothing.”
   “Ha!” came the short reply.


The Figs Protocol.

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-14 14:07

"the brigands are not far from here john, I caught a whiff of their vile smell through the White Valley.  I have slain many a brigand, but not enough my friend, not enough, I am getting tired now and I fear that they are on to our little enterprise.  word has it that the great Kharnak in the East is rousting forth all of his motley forces, those pitiful little beings of nefarious intent, those, those, those little Bell creatures.  I have never actually crossed swords with such a stupid creature, but, I have heard that they swarm across the steppes with abandon, killing all living creatures in their path.  I have heard from the great Spiral Dragon in the West that they kill merely by emitting rays of incoherent babble of a strange purpose.  My friend, it behoves us, should we acquire the needed strength, despite these winter blizzards, to kill off as many of these evil little creatures that we can.  I am an old man, my friend, but I will die, if need be, to rid our fair planet NucFin, of Kharnak's dispicable little minions.  In fact, our wares of trade, our furs, and precious gems, and wine, and cloth, and all of the other little trinkets for peddling, all of these things that allow us to convert physical things into a few Rakwads of cash for the pleasures of drinking the milk of the NucFin's mother, and all of the fair maidens we may secure, the concubines of odd and sordid orgin, they mean nothing to me anymore.  I do not have any sense of how many children I truly have, from the fortresses in the deep north, north of the Kingdom of the MobPsycho tribe, to the southern islands inhabited by the savage Cekpet Tribe, I do not know.  I have killed many a MobPsychoian, and many a Cekpation, but I have also empregnated many of their mothers and wifes.  And thus, my life, the juxtoposition of the slaying of men and the subsequent having my way, as it were, with their respective female mates, doesn't mean anything to me anymore.  What matters to me at this point in my journey throught this spec of dust in the Andronema galaxy, is to rid our fair world of the Bellians."


Chiral is Tyler Durden

kr
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Posted: 2004-04-14 16:18
when's nancy davolio gonna enter the plot?  this title fucking cracks me up

my bank got pwnd

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-14 17:14

"Supremius Madonnus Nonius! I could be convinced of your venture, if you could simply grant me one key possibility", remarked John, who looked weathered from the blistery wind.

"What is that, fair friend?" Remarked Nonius.

"I wish to have one night drinking the NukFin's milk with a certain maiden who resides in a hamlet due north east of the northern castle of Splugfuk."

"I am listening with bated breath my friend" replied the strange man in the leathery gown that seemed to be fashioned out of the hide of animals from the epoch of the distant ancestors of the NukFin people.

"I wish to drink the mother's milk and to know Nancidavolios Lush."

Just as he spoke these words, an avalanche of snow came crashing down the side of steep ridge.


Chiral is Tyler Durden

FDAXHunter
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Posted: 2004-04-15 11:45

"Ah, Light! It's coming straight at us. The trees will not hold! Ride!" and with that they spurned their horses to a break-neck galop through the deep snow away from the thundering masses of snow which had begun to break trees on the treeline as if they were toothpicks.

Nonius yanked on the guide for the pack mules, who were struggling to burrow through the snow, where the horses where able to leap.

"Leave the animals!" shouted John, "if they don't make it we can get the goods later!"
"I will not! These are precious investments. I will not leave them behind! Five silvers per animal!" replied a furiously pulling Nonius.
"Stuborn as those mules you are! May the Light sear whatever brains you have left!" with that, he leaped from his horse and helped Nonius pull on the lead animal to hasten it through the knee-deep snow. The rumbling of the avalanche came nearer and both men laboured drenched in sweat on getting both cargo and animals out of it's path.
"Behind that rock there, quickly!" urged Nonius still high on horseback.
They managed to pull the first two animals behind a small outcropping of stone and while the third animal was caught by the flood of snow shooting past on both sides of their shelter, it's lead rope held. After the snows had settled down an instant later they were able to pull the dazed beast from the white mass.

"Well, there you have it. Told you it would be worth it." panted Nonius, who was visibly sweating, despite the below freezing temperatures.

"What about that milk you were talking about? I could use some of that right now." stated an equally out of breath John.


The Figs Protocol.

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-15 22:02

"John, how long have I known you, it must be at least 20 Hgpricks of time....the milk, the milk, what can I say about the milk.  Ha, ha, the Milk John the Milk, the Milk is all that matters in many ways in many ways.  The Milk is the key to the mystical understanding of Life as we know it, and, you know what John?"  Just then, our strange hero looked up into the pink sky and whispered a few words to an unknown denizen of the Stars. 

John caught a few of the words that Nonius spoke, which, to John's best perception, went along the lines of "The Atlas maps, I am sure Dogvod, the Atlas maps, please show me the way."  Nonius closed his eyes and with a tremendous amount of concentration he thought many thoughts, or so this appeared to our fair trader John, for Nonius repeated this mantra for several seconds until the avalanche slowed its advance and became a gooey river of brown molasses.  


Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-15 22:13

just then, Nonius spiraled into a contained vortex of insanity, or so this seemed to John.  He stared again into the sky and opened his arms in exhaltation.  He then gasped.  He then shouted, "why?"


Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-15 22:13

just then, Nonius spiraled into a contained vortex of insanity, or so this seemed to John.  He stared again into the sky and opened his arms in exhaltation.  He then gasped.  He then shouted, "why?"


Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-16 06:37
well I think that was just a little toooo drunk.

Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-04-20 13:12

John gazed at Nonius and shouted, "My dear Nonius, what in the name of Trogdor is wrong?  Calm down, man, calm down....."

It was too late.  Nonius' head commenced into a spin whose centripital force was on the order of a NukFin g.


Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-05-02 14:59

John then inquired, "Fair friend, what troubles you so greatly on our fair planet?  Please, let an old friend know!"

Nonius then replied, "John, I have known thee through the ages through thick and thin, and I have always tried my best to relay onto you the inner secrets, troubles, and mysteries that I have encountered in my life.  The Mother's Milk is the Mystery of NukFin, and this is a sad day in my life that I realise that I have not let you onto this fertile secret.  The Mother's Milk is the source of all life on our planet, and, without it, you will certainly wither away like a fall flower under the heat of our three suns if you do not attempt to locate it's source.  The Mother's Milk Is the drink of Life, and it is located far North beyong the Range of Inhabitability, yes, my friend, behond the MobPsychians, beyond the Hamiltonians, beyond any other savage walk of life that we know of.  I have heard from a very old man, a man by the name of Corovosia, that this source can lead to immortality, and many more delights, er, yes, well, life is more and less at the same time of a delight, isn't my friend?  Anyway, my goal is to defeat the Bellians and then venture to the north, the great cold north where the three stars of MonkeyAios grace our pink skies in order to guide the great hollow ships of Nonia."


Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-05-05 13:58

John replied, "Nonius, I have known you for many years....uhmmm, many years indeed...and hence, I would wager that your convictions are noble, and that this plan of yours would suit the God's proclivities, uhmmm, yes, blasted!  this...this bloody snow storm friend!" John then hunkered down as a blast of snow accompanied a strong bluster of wind passed on by.  He then continued, "Nonius, I say this, let us travel to the Castle of Chiral Delights, and sell these furs and Nukonium bars. After we have done this, I am with you friend.  I am with you to the east to kill the Bellians.  I have some ideas on how to do this, and much of this relies on a new elixir that I have found to be quite useful and potent, friend, this elixir is brewed from the plants of Mela Island- yes friend, you know that rather dry and unpleasant place west of the Cekpet Archipelego, yes, below the Montraz Atol, the Atol where the fat fishes swim, yes, Mela Island...."


Chiral is Tyler Durden

Nonius
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Posted: 2004-05-14 16:30
next is to kick this sucker into action...my previous idea was to make this a parody of a fantasy of Greek proportions, and have the whole story just be a dramatic exchange of quotes between John and Nonius....that is too evil though, too, hmm, Nonius stuck in the elevator....anyway, this is FDAX's deal.

Chiral is Tyler Durden

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